Wednesday, September 9, 2009


(co-authored with Marion Fiore)

After reading my article A Little Sex to Marion, she commented on how I should have added that the gelato at Amarino’s is orgasmic. It’s funny because I used that very word after tasting it for the first time myself. But alas, while being true, I had already finished my article about Amarino Gelati
and it just didn’t seem to fit into that particular piece. However, the dialogue between Marion and I continued...

Marion: “For all the virgins out there, Amorino’s could replace what’s missing in their lives.”

Lisa: “I don’t think it’s just for virgins! What about all the women who are ‘born-again virgins’? They can indulge in a little Amorino’s chocolate gelato too!”

Marion: “Okay, you should write an article about a guide to Paris just for virgins and born-again virgins.”

Lisa: “How about if it’s called The Sex-Starved Woman’s Guide to Paris instead?”

Marion: “That’s it!”

Lisa: “I once read that chocolate stimulates the same hormones that sex does. Also, according to David Dieda, a spiritual sex-expert, he claims that we women are gatherers. We accept men inside of us and when we don’t have that kind of offering we have to intake something in another way. Chocolate to the rescue! No wonder we women crave food when we are stressed out! We can blame our chocoholism on biology!

Men on the other hand, expel their stuff when in the bedroom and therefore when they are stressed out they need to do the same. Hence the reason why they exercise or get into a fight or something else that is active.”

Marion: “That makes so much sense. No wonder we’re eating so much chocolate the last couple of days. By the way, don’t forget to mention in the article about the drinks served at the pizzeria two doors down from Shakespeare and Co. Cafe Le Petite Pont has the craziest concoctions, like Deep Love, Sexual Healing and Banana Lover, just to mention a few…”

Lisa: “Well, I have never been there—but, you know it seems to me that you are contributing to this article just as much as I am. I have to give you co-authorship.”

Marion: “Oh great, then everyone will know we are both sex-starved.”

Lisa: “Well, at least I am not alone in the sex-starved department...So, what else should we write about in our Guide?”

Marion: “What about all the parks in town?”

Lisa: “Parks? What’s so sexy about that? Oh yea, the French make-out everywhere, especially in the parks. I suppose being a voyeur for an afternoon would inspire us.”

Marion: “That’s right and the setting is romantic. We women love romance.”

Lisa: “Indeed.”

Marion: “We have to mention the lingerie shops too. There’s something to fit every budget. While there are expensive shops, there are also stores that sell titillating items that look expensive but really aren’t. Lacy little things for only 5€ can easily be found in a number of small shops around town. It’s one of my favorite things about Paris.”

Lisa: “I love lingerie too. That's why when I was in my twenties I managed several Victoria's Secret shops. However, I have seen more breasts than I ever care to see and certainly more than any guy ever has, I assure you." (In typical female fashion, my mind jumps to the next topic.) "Oh, and we need to add cafés to our guide.”

Marion: “Why?”

Lisa: “The all important hot guy watching!”

Marion: “Oh, of course.”

Lisa: “So, what do we have so far? Ogling cute men at cafés; eating Amorino’s gelato, and what else?”

Marion: “You forgot parks, especially Bois de Vincennes in Saint Mandé where there is a flower garden and row boats to take out. It sets the perfect scene for making out.”

Lisa: “Got it. Anything else?”

Marion: “The Sex-Starved woman can mount the Eifel Tower at night wearing her sexy lingerie while her mouth is savoring some chocolate." (By now our giggles have turned into howls of laughter.) "The tower is so romantic at night with the view and its beautiful lights.”

Lisa:Mounting the Eifel Tower—got that one too. You are on a roll tonight.”

Marion: Marion leans forward and with a gleam in her eyes confides, “I have always had this unfulfilled sexual fantasy that takes place in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles.”

Lisa: “Excellent! I think I might indulge in my own version of that fantasy myself.”

Marion: Clearly not listening to me as she is lost in thought, she finally adds in a sultry voice resembling something between Marilyn Monroe and Mae West, “It’s midnight and the chateau is quiet. I sneak out to meet my lover. I look for him, but I can’t find him. Without appearing too anxious, I saunter down to the Hall of Mirrors watching the candelabras reflecting against the mirrors as I walk by. I hear footsteps behind me. My impulse is to run. As my pace picks up, so does his; until finally my heart is beating against my ever exposed blossoming breast. Suddenly, he is upon me. He spins me around and throws me to the ground…”

Lisa: “Okay, I think I know where this is going. I don’t want to invade on her personal territory too much."

Marion: “Are you sure, because it gets better.”

Lisa: “Well, I think we should leave a little bit to the imagination.”

Marion: “You’re right.”

Lisa: “A stroll by the Seine or on one of the many bridges overlooking the water helps bring out our amorous sides. Sometimes you can find a musician or two playing romantic music to add to the ambience.

Marion: “Perfect.”

Lisa: “You know since we are talking about the sexy side of Paris, we must include Heather Stimmler Hall's aptly titled, Naughty Paris: A Ladies Guide to the Sexy City. There is a reason why it is an IPPY award-winning book. According to the Naughty website, it is the "first guidebook that presents the city's erotic underside in a sophisticated yet accessible tone that appeals to both the innocently intrigued and daring divas alike." Between its written content and the book's spectacular images by Kirsten Loop this book is certainly a must read."

Marion: “Oh, I will have to pick that one up.”

Lisa: “You won't be sorry...You know, we need to write about the holiday experiences of our friend "Kim" (obviously her name has been changed to protect the innocent.) "She had a late night rendez-vous with a Frenchman. After a few drinks, he took her on the back of his moped and together they checked out the sites of Paris at midnight. The climactic end before heading off to his apartment was at the top of Montmartre where Sacre Cœur is located. It’s the highest point in Paris and they were able to see the Parisian cityscape lit up against the dark of night. The City of Light aroused their interest so much that this is where she had her first kiss in Paris.”

Marion: “Talk about foreplay. Kim was such a man-magnet the two weeks she was here. I mean the law of attraction was certainly working in her favor.”

Lisa: “Well, she was a woman on a mission. She knew what she wanted and she most definitely got it—over and over again—each night with a different man. I think the lesson to be learned here is that we can all have whatever it is we want too. If it’s a little passion we are looking for, all we have to do is go out and get it. We are in Paris after all.”

Thank you for reading and bonne journée!